Valeria and Emma rant of Jealousy and Annoyance but also Apathy and a hint of Love

I guess I had just engrained in my mind that Valeria and Evelyn where BFFLS, and Emma and I had no one particular at Summit, so I just associated two and two together. Is it wrong that I liked a little when Emma would complain about Valeria? I hated her misery, but my secret selfishness enjoyed the affirmation that I was her best friend. Anyways, when they had their little heart to heart I was so genuinely happy really. I mean, I didn't like that I had to hear it from Valeria because I guess I'll never know Emma's side of things, but I loved how free Emma was and how she independently decided what she needed to do for their relationship, and I loved the emotion and how Emma really and truly confessed. But ever since then, they've been annoyingly inseparable. I mean at first it actually hurt more than annoyed me because of the circumstance and my emotional state. I felt alone again, and mostly insecure, and just really not special at all. But I've learned to deal and just genuinely not care so much in that way. I've accepted I'll only be Emma's 'number 1' when Valeria isn't around, which just means I'm not her number 1 really, and as of right now, that's really okay. I think I'm okay with being that person. I don't think she would, but if Valeria were ever to like Emma more than Evelyn, that'd be it for me and Emma's friendship. I know she only goes to me for what Valeria can't provide, which is like relatable experience and advice. But Emma will realize that being relatable isn't all that. She will or already does value the comfort and candidness of Valeria over the 'wisdom' and listening skills I provide. I just bring stress really, and work. It's easier with Valeria. Yeah, it helps that they go to the same school, but not even just that. The only thing is that Valeria can't truly say Emma's her num 1 while I can, but once Valeria truly 'ties' Evelyn and Emma, I'm done for. It also annoys me when Emma tries to please me. Like I wish she'd stop trying to ask to hang out just because she thinks I want her to and this and that. Like I wish it was just natural, and maybe it is and I'm overthinking things, as usual, but it just doesn't feel natural except for when we're actually hanging out one on one. Emma and I are only friends because she can't have Valeria all to herself, and I believe that. I hate that I only feel okay with her when Valeria isn't around just because she's probably her most natural self around Valeria. I mean I like Valeria because I feel like I can be a complete loser around her and she'll judge me the perfect amount. Who wouldn't love that? Valeria also gives Emma the feeling of being in the in crowd, with K pop and such. Tbh so weirded out by that and a little cynical but it's cool. And then I think, why does all this stressin and thinkin matter? I love Valeria and man I love love love Emma, and they're happy and always having fun, and it's not like they've dropped me or anything. Sure, it'd be nice to have a mutual bfflness with Emma, but dang I could really care less because I know she's there for me regardless.